Submissive Wife, Happy Life ?

08 Jul 2014

Submissive Wife, Happy Life ?

Submission: leading with love, not controlling by fear

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (NIV)

In my last post I discussed what God has outlined as part of the duties of being a Godly husband. The bulk of the scripture where I got my outline for a Godly Husband was in Ephesians 5. Before I continue on I want to let you all know that I know for certain that men and women are both of equal importance to God and God does not place one sex above the other. Although it is not a popular opinion, I happen to be of the belief of that God specifically designed and created men and women to fulfill different roles that work together in perfect harmony for the good of the Kingdom. One word in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 in particular has turned out to be a hot button for many people…this word is ‘submit.’ Admittedly, this verse always made me raise an eyebrow, I never understood why God {seemingly} wanted men to dominate the household and wanted us girls to just go right along with whatever they say—this was me leaning to my own understanding and jumping to an uneducated conclusion of what Ephesians 5:22 meant. When you take the verse out of context, this seems to be the general consensus. The usual English connotation of submit is not pleasant and is typically the reason that the word, especially when pertaining to marriage, gets people up in arms. Even the definition of ‘Submission’ in the Webster’s dictionary backs those who say that women who choose to be submissive to their husbands are doormats and gluttons for punishment.
submission–yielding to the control of another. Webster’s dictionary

We first have to remember that the Bible was not written in English but in predominantly Hebrew and Greek. Because Hebrew and Greek are such complex and eloquent languages, a lot of the words in the Bible that have been translated to the English language can easily get taken out of context because of our own feelings or connotations rather than their original and perfect Biblical definition or reference. This turns out to be the case in Ephesians 5 submission. The Greek word used in Ephesians 5:22 for submit was hupŏtassō.

Strong’s Concordance 5293 hupŏtassō: In non-military use, the voluntary attitude of cooperating

In this selection of Ephesians, God is not telling us that our husbands are all-knowing creatures that should have the only opinion and the final word, but He is telling us that if our men are first seeking Him and the Kingdom, that they will indeed be equipped to be the spiritual leaders of our family. Godly husbands were designed to lead us to the correct Godly decisions that we need to make as married couples and families. If we trust our men with our whole hearts when we marry them, then we are to also trust in our men with our whole hearts to follow Holy Spirit driven advice and voluntarily allow them to lead us. By submitting to our husbands we will be yielding to their advice as we would voluntarily and lovingly yield to the Father when we feel that He has told us something. This type of relationship has no hierarchy and is not a dictatorship but it is a loving relationship where each partner puts the need of the other above their own and in turn, the man has the ability to lead his family with love and not control them by fear. A hupŏtassō wife is a wife who has a willing attitude to cooperate and be understanding with her husband. This type of conduct is produced by seeking God first and is {in my opinion} the type of conduct that wins over husbands. {1 Peter 3:1} Marriage is not 50/50 but is 100/100 and when you’re giving your all it does tend to win over your partner.

James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

The Biblical and God-designed version of marriage is all-encompassing and by choosing to be a submissive wife you are choosing to be meek, not weak. I compare being submissive to a husband just as I am voluntarily submissive to the Father. He doesn’t make me yield to Him, but it is a conscious, voluntary and happy choice on my part, for I know that I am made strong through Him. A submissive wife is not in my opinion, a wife who never speaks or voices her opinion and definitely not a wife who is physically or verbally abused but is a woman who chooses to leave her pride at the door and is not concerned about winning the fight but only wants to live life and have a marriage that is pleasing to the Father. Being a submissive wife takes lots of strength and patience because as humans we will always have opinions but when we never let our men, especially our husbands, have room to be a leader, we never truly allow them to take the leadership role that God has designed to be theirs. I believe that it is when we let our husbands take the leadership position in the household and allow them in a way to rely on their relationship with God, that we will see even more fruition of the blessings that the tri-cord covenant between husband, wife, and God brings. When a husband feels respected and honored by his wife it seems to be that he cherishes his wife in an Ephesians 5 way even more. This relationship where each person is giving their best to the other on behalf of God is what makes marriages flourish.

Meek synonyms– humble, caring, docile, gentle, kind, modest, patient, unpretentious

Ephesians 5:22 paraphrased by me would read:
Wives, be willing to cooperate and trust in the direction your husband is leading your family, just as you cooperate and trust in the Lord. For the husband is the leader of the wife and family just like Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Just as the church willingly and voluntarily gives up its own wants and needs for the greater good of Christ, wives should also in love, willingly and voluntarily have confidence and trust in their husbands so that they may take spiritual leadership of their families.

For wives who don’t feel like their husbands are ‘there’ yet or maybe even have an unbelieving husband, I leave you with 1 Peter 3:1 “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior {conduct} of their wives.”